Hi I'm Dad
by Dr-J33
Summary: Hector makes a lot of dad jokes and annoys everyone. That's pretty much it. Rated T because of two swear words.


Hector rushed down the halls of castle Ostia (an impressive feat given the heavy armor he wore), knocking servants and guards to the side as he hurried towards his destination.

"Scuse me! Pardon me! Good day Madeline! Out of the way!"

Ignoring the rude glances he received from his servants as he passed, Hector screeched to a halt in front of an elaborate set of double doors; the doors to his room. Hector opened the door and stepped in, where he was greeted by the sight of his wife Lady Lyndis in their shared bed holding a bundle of blankets close to her. To the left and right of her stood two maids and Serra, whose hair was messy and her eyes full of exhaustion.

"I came as soon as I could Lyn." Said Hector as he approached.

"You missed the delivery." Said Lyn softly, "But you're just in time to hold your daughter."

Hector gently took the bundle and looked lovingly at the infant inside. She looked so much like her mother, and her father. From sacaen skin tone to the blue fuzz on her head. She was definitely their child.

"Hey there... I'm your dad." He whispered to the baby.

Slowly the baby opened her eyes, revealing a pair of soft cerulean orbs.

"She has your eyes." Said Lyn.

"Well she'd better give them back soon." Replied Hector.

Everyone in the room then gave Hector a confused look.

"Are you okay?" Asked Serra

"No I'm dad." Said Hector.

Lyn raised an eyebrow at her husband's remarks.

"Hector these jokes of yours are-"

"Lyn my love, I've waited years for this day. I've collected so many dad jokes that I've been dying to use!" Hector proclaimed.

Serra rolled her eyes as Lyn let out a sigh.

"I hope he doesn't get carried away with this..." Lyn muttered to herself.

* * *

Lyn and Hector knelt down on the opposite end of the bedroom as young Lilina attempted to get onto her feet for the first time.

"Come on Lilina, you can do this." Said Hector.

"Baby steps sweetie." Added Lyn

Lilina got onto her feet and struggled to stand still as she wobbled in every direction.

"Good, now walk over to mommy and daddy..."

She managed to toddle her way over to her parents with a smile on her young face.

"You did it! I'm so proud Lilina!" Said Lyn as she picked her daughter up into her arms. "You're walking!"

"No she's Lilina." Said Hector.

Lyn glared at Hector and set Lilina down.

"That joke was awful."

"I thought it was funny."

"I'm so dissapointed in you Hector."

"No you're Lyn."

Hector grinned as Lyn took her head into her hands and groaned.

"Damn it..."

* * *

"Daddy you got me a pony!?"

It was Lilina's birthday and her day started with her father leading her to the stables, where a new pony awaited her.

"Do you like it?" Hector asked.

"Like it!? I love it daddy! Oh thank you!"

Hector grinned.

"Ready to go for a ride pumpkin?"

Lilina furiously nodded her head. Rector responded by picking up his daughter and setting her onto the pony's saddle.

"Where should I ride him to daddy?" Asked Lilina excitedly.

"How about the water troughs, he's looking a little horse."

"Yeah! Then I'll ride him into the garden and-"

Lilina's excitement faded as a realization hit her.

"Daddy?"

"Yes birthday girl?"

"Did you get me this pony just to make horse jokes?"

"I won't de-neigh it."

Lilina frowned and looked at the ground as Hector's smile grew, proud of his joke.

"I don't want it anymore..."

* * *

Hector was on a diplomatic visit to Pherae. He and his longtime friend Eliwood sat in Elwood's office and watched their children play through the window.

"I'm glad that Lilina is getting along with Roy." Said Hector "I was worried that she would be too shy to make friends her own age."

Eliwood chuckled.

"Brings back memories of us doesn't it?" Said Eliwood

"Couldn't agree more Eliwood... couldn't agree more."

"So Hector I trust your trip here was safe."

"You could say that, you see on the way up I saw two peanuts. One of them was a-salted."

Eliwood raised an eyebrow.

"A-salted... huh that's actually good." Said Eliwood.

"I know right!?"

"Wanna hear a good one I told Roy?"

"But of course."

Eliwood smirked and leaned closer to Hector before continuing.

"So we passed by a graveyard, I point at it and tell Roy that I can't be buried there. He asks me why and my response to him is 'I'm not dead'."

Hector let out a loud, uncontrollable laugh and slapped his knee.

"I love it!" Laughed Hector "Got anymore you'd be willing to share?"

"Only if you return the favor old friend." Said Eliwood.

And so the two friends traded dad jokes with each other.

Outside Roy and Lilina felt a chill run down their spines.

"D-Did you feel that?" Asked Roy

"I did... I don't know why but I think we should avoid our dads for a bit."

"Agreed."

* * *

Many years have changed Hector. His position as the head of the Lycian league have weakened his strength, the death of his beloved wife had hardened him, and age has made him wiser. He also grew a pretty nice beard too.

Hector sat in his office doing paperwork. Just as he was about to sign a document he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in."

The door slowly opened and Lilina stepped in.

"Father, I was about to leave for Pherae and I just wanted to say goodbye before I left."

"Of course Lilina, I'll see you in a week." Said Hector. "Be safe on your travel, the roads aren't as safe as they used to be. Oh and be careful with your magic, one mistake could spell disaster."

"Worry not father, I have a thunder tome that will-... wait... magic? spell disaster? Is that another pun?"

"It could be, but the answer would shock you. Ya know, like you're thunder tome."

Lilina groaned and left. Hector sighed and went back to his paperwork.

"That one wasn't that great actually..."

* * *

Hector's final stand was a sight to behold. Bern threw everything it had at the armored lord but he effortlessly struck everyone down. Soldiers flew through the air like wyverns, wyverns crashed into the ground like soldiers, even Bern's mages were almost useless against Hector's might.

"Is this all you got Bern!?" Hector shouted. "This is just a warm up to me!"

Narcian hovered in the air on his wyvern as he watched Hector tear through his soldiers.

"At the very least you've impressed me Marquees of Ostia." Said Narcian "But I don't want to loose more men than I already have so I'll wrap this up quickly."

Narcian whistled, signaling to a pair of hooded figures to step out from the shadows and transform into a pair of Fire dragons. Hector stared at the new arrivals in shock for a moment before chuckling to himself.

"Shame, I was hoping this fight wouldn't Dragon!"

Narcian gave the marquees a confused look.

"E-Excuse me?"

"Dragon, like drag on-"

"No I get the pun it's just... why? Why the puns? You are about to die!"

Hector shrugged.

"I like them. It's a dad thing. You'll understand once you have kids. I mean If you have kids."

"Are you mocking me?" Asked Narcian

"You don't need my help for that!"

Narcian clenched his teeth and growled before pointing at Hector.

"BURN HIM TO ASHES!"

"You mean BERN me right?" Said Hector smugly.

Narcian buried his face into his hands, unable to accept his current situation.

"Kill him slowly."

One of the dragons nodded as it stepped on Hector with a clawed foot.

* * *

Roy rushed to Hector's side as soon as he saw the injured Marquess lying against the wall of a dungeon cell.

"Lord Hector sir!"

Hector weakly raised his head, mortally wounded after being beaten by dragons.

"Roy... I-It's too late for me..."

"Don't talk that way, you're not dying!"

"You're right, I'm Hector."

"Huh?"

Hector let out a weak laugh, which concluded with a bloody coughing fit.

"Damn, I don't have much time left... Roy, Bern has dragons at their disposal... I saw them..."

"D-Dragons!?"

"Yes, big scary dragons Roy... anyways, the dragons are back... there's a weapon that can fight the dragons... a divine sword wielded by Roland himself... L-Lilina knows where it is... Roy please... promise me that you'll protect my daughter..."

"I swear on my life Lord Hector."

"Good- ACK *COUGH* *COUGH* Lilina... let me see you... one... last... time..."

"Lord Hector!" Shouted Roy.

With the last of his strength, Hector raised his head and smiled.

"I was wrong Roy... I'm not Hector... I'm... dead..."

And with that the last of Hector's life left him, leaving Roy saddened and angered.

"DAMN IT HECTOR!"

* * *

Many years passed since Hector... well passed. The Lycian league had become the Lycian kingdom, Lilina had become a woman, and as of this day she also became a mother.

In the bed chambers of Phere castle, Lilina laid in the bed she shared with her husband Roy, holding a bundle close to her. To the left of her stood two maids and a single exhausted cleric. To her right stood Roy, his eyes full of exhaustion but despite this they gazed lovingly at the new life in Lilina's arms.

"He's perfect..." said Roy.

"If my father were here he'd say the same thing..." Said Lilina

"Actually I feel like he'd say 'Hi baby I'm grandpa' or something like that." Replied Roy.

"You're not wrong..."

Lilina and Roy looked at each other and spoke simultaneously in sync.

"Should I say it?"

"Should you say it?"

Lilina's lips curled into a smile as she handed the newborn prince to Roy.

"Just once... for father."

Roy smiled back and looked at the infant in his arms, who had just begun to open his small cerulean eyes.

"Hey son, I'm dad."

* * *

 _I recently got into FE6 and I've been wanting to write something from that game, but instead I somehow ended up writing this story about Hector making a bunch of dad jokes._

 _For those of you who have been wanting more Assassination Classroom five from me, I have some bad news that I'll elaborate on later._

 _In the mean time I'm hoping to do more Fire Emblem stories following either the Elibe game's or Echoes._

 _Either way thanks for reading and for putting up with these awful dad jokes and I'll see you next time._


End file.
